Jet Lag

One thing you gotta give the French is that they whomp our asses all over the map when it comes to making romantic comedies. Admittedly, the American essays in this genre do not exactly set an insurmountably high bar; rather, they pack in 90 minutes' worth of lame jokes, pointless coincidences, and stock characters around the efforts of the two highest-paid actors in the film to successfully realize they're supposed to love each other. But comes now "Jet Lag" (known to its makers as "Décalage horaire" because they talk like that), which, at first glance, seems to follow the American rom-com template exactly. Why is this film so much better than any American rom-com that I was able to not only sit through it but retain my self-respect afterwards?

1) It has actors, instead of extremely cute people who make five or fewer facial expressions during the course of the movie. Specifically, it has Juliette Binoche and Jean Reno, two of the most consistently enjoyable thespians in cinema today. Their characters meet up in Charles de Gaulle airport (that's in Paris) and endure fiascoes of flight (bad weather, computer glitches, and, since we're in Paris, strikes by transit workers) that coincidentally keep pushing them together until they figure out that they love each other. Reno plays Félix, an uptight, control-freak businessman who's not over his ex but who's nevertheless handsome; Binoche plays Rose, a somewhat bubbleheaded beautician who's trying to start a new life far from her old, controlling boyfriend, but who's nevertheless gorgeous somewhere under that makeup.

But Binoche and Reno are too smart not to tweak these characters a bit. Reno, even in his most pointless squalls, retains a gravity that completely eludes most rom-com leading lads; he plays off that gravity as well, as his hair billows under increasing stress into a wildly unkempt mane as he desperately tries to rest, somehow, after all these delays. It's funny to look at, but there's a real note of sadness in it too. Binoche has a ball playing Rose, with her emotional volatility and deep concern for fripperies, but she finds just the right subtle ways to show that Rose is trying, in her undeliberate way, to find a new mode of existence in the world. Thus, the actors create characters, which are often essential to enjoyable films, and often absent in American rom-coms, just like

2) Jokes, or at least jokes you want to laugh at, instead of bizarre double-entendres and petulant explosions. "Jet Lag" is not exactly a laugh-a-minute romp, and indeed much of its humor is derived from Reno's hangdog looks or Binoche's too-precious-for-this-world physical carriage. But it's damn amusing when, after taking an eternity to interrogate room service before settling on ham and baguette, Félix exclaims, "This pig died for nothing! The ham's terrible!" (En français, bien sur.) When you go for the laughs, it better be funny, and screenwriters Christopher and Danièle Thompson (son et mère) make sure it is.

3) It takes advantage of things that could actually happen in real life. There is a certain distressing familiarity to the litany of reasons that Rose and Félix keep bumping into each other. Many of the coincidences feeding their romance stem from a cell phone being passed around. Some of their actual romance stems from Félix cooking Rose a meal in a hotel kitchen, which I only mention because he cooks an extremely sexy meal of veal medallions and sautéed vegetables. I suppose American rom-com leads don't cook because it would be so vastly implausible, but it makes for a good kissy-face scene. Félix has a job that he actually works at, and Rose is traveling for a job. It's a lot easier to root for cute people who we can actually sort of recognize to fall in love than it is to root for people who don't work for their fabulous apartments and spend all their time having pointless conversations with wisecracking best friends.

4) The movie's not afraid to be serious for a couple minutes now and again. In fact, "Jet Lag" even takes a detour from its main plot for a memorable moment of seriousness. If you have actors playing rom-com characters who are recognizable, and they are serious occasionally, the jokes work better when they come and the moments of seriousness are actually affecting and the goosh of sentiment at the end is actually welcome.

All of the above means it doesn't matter how much Danièle Thompson in her directorial role indulges a penchant for sappy music or chooses incoherent visual angles. "Jet Lag" takes you on a ninety-minute tour of the superiority of French filmmaking, showing that it even extends to those genres whose dippiness, you'd think, would give Americans a natural advantage. Someone tell Kofi Annan.

EN DEUXIEME PENSEE

I'm pretty sure that a review written with this lead and closing would not get into any reputable newspaper. However, so what.

ME RANTEE!

Here are some examples of American romantic comedies that I didn't see but know are retarded just from the previews:

3) "Kate & Leopold" (2001). Meg Ryan is a twentieth-century New York woman who's successful but unlucky in love. What she needs is a time-traveling nineteenth-century aristocrat played by Hugh Jackman who's got manners and courtliness and such, and who can eventually learn the strange ways of the twentieth century after several amusing vignettes. I think it was like a combination of "Encino Man" and "When Harry Met Sally," or some crap. Anyway, time-traveling! Weak. Maybe next they should have Captain Picard come back from the future to rectify Ryan's romantic prospects: "Captain's Log: She's still neurotic and I can't find the replicator in her apartment."

2) "40 Days and 40 Nights" (2002). Josh Hartnett gives up sex for Lent but Shannyn Sossamon still wants him to have sex with her. Is the Lord really that unjust? First of all: Oooh, poor baby, Josh Hartnett can't have sex for Lent! This probably did not garner him copious sympathy from our nation's unattached movie critics, who have not been having sex during Lent for years, but not because of any kind of decision on their part. Second: Josh, this is a dumb idea, but you're fulfilling a religious obligation nonetheless. Ain't it time to dump Shannyn when she tries to come between (no pun intended) you and God? Third: How the hell do you get 96 minutes out of this? I'm glad I never found out.

1) "Serendipity" (2001). Let's say your name is Kate Beckinsale (which, unless the readership of this site has vastly expanded without me looking, it isn't), and you happen to meet John Cusack and have a magical evening of laughter and ice-skating and whatnot. How do you end this evening? Do you exchange phone numbers and have lots more dates, like any primate with even the smallest possible amount of common sense would? No! You write your number in a copy of Love in the Time of Cholera and sell the book to a used bookstore and then wait for John Cusack to buy the book himself and call you to prove that you two are meant to be together! Of course! Why didn't I think of that? That's a lot more logical than just going out with him. Of course, some people would think that the original chance encounter would be enough to indicate that the two of them are meant to be together, but the evidentiary standard of romantic comedies is evidently "beyond even a complete drooling idiot's doubt." At least all the characters in these movies have a jury of their peers to which they can present the proof.

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