Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas

I must be insane! I must be insane! There must be some virus that's rotting my brain! How else to explain taking so much time to write this review in bad Seussian rhyme? The website needs words, and my homework's undone, and I undertook this task...for what? For fun? Is fun what you call writing for hours and cursing your inadequate doggerel powers and tearing your hair out and getting frustrated reviewing a film that mostly elated? I promised after "Bulworth" there would be no more verse. Now I've come up with something that could even be worse. But there's lots of enjambment (at least) and the meter, such as it is, sounds all the sweeter because I don't stay in it all the way through. Of course, sometimes I couldn't, but what can I do? I did the best job that I possibly can; you try getting "Christine Baranski" to scan. Anyway, here it is; please do not spite it. I'll never do this again, until next I feel like it.

Young and old alike, rise! Go on the attack! "Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas" is back, and not in cartoon form but fully live action, as if the old version gave no satisfaction to a new generation. Fie! Pshaw! Bull! The cartoon was the best! Its powers have not dulled! It delights and enchants and gives a good moral. With what in the old film could anyone quarrel?

But that's not all they've done. If you take a look, you'll see that this new film is not like the book. It's got lots of backstory, and new characters too. (For one thing, there are about fifty more Whos.) It's pumped full of effects, and its sets are so Disney than sometimes the effect is no more than grisly. The point's hammered home with the force of a sledge. The backstory seems like a big useless wedge dividing us from the original plot. (Was this done just to make the film longer, or what?) The modernization in general fails; the magic is sought, but to little avail. So let's wander into the preview theater, where the audience expected something much sweeter, and see if the changes have left them all gasping.

Why...they're not shocked at all! They're actually laughing! They're laughing and cheering and making quite merry 'cause the nasty ol' Grinch is now played by Jim Carrey, and because the new "Grinch" is not really a fable, but a comedy, as only Carrey is able to play it. This film is sometimes brash (where the old one would whisper, the new one will crash), but it's always quite funny and often hilarious. And Carrey adroitly maintains the precarious balance of laugh lines and yuletide messages. For what it is, then, this new "Grinch" is impressive.

As directed by Ron Howard, this film's never at peace. The camera swoops, dives and moves without cease. Though the sets are corny, they're pumped full of life; the occasional stillnesses accent the strife they contain. Cool effects, but for this viewer, these would have been better had there been a few fewer. And yet, through all this, the direction is sure, and the visual invention will be quite a lure for younger cinephiles. Older folks will be quite content simply to laugh at the jokes.

Oh, the things that the new "Grinch" will do for a chuckle, to make you laugh so hard that you burst your belt buckle! It'll make fun of Whos and their goofy hairstyling! It'll mock action films, and then racial profiling! The Grinch will eat glass, then time his self-loathing, then steal an Alpenhornist's lederhosen for clothing! It makes fun of Ron Howard, James Stewart and others! It'll make fun of everything till it finally smothers you in jokes — some great, and some not — until you laugh at them all because most hit the spot. Regrettably, some of the jokes ring untrue in a children's story about these naive Whos; when they get to the joke that refers to wife-swapping, you'll quit roaring with laughter and start with the stopping.

But mostly the jokes are handled with care, and through all this, the genius of Carrey is there — jumping about like a cricket on crack, contorting his face and his limbs and his back, doing imitations in rapid succession, talking to himself and mocking his questions, making the Grinch comic and pathetic and sneakily making him quite sympathetic. The scene where the Grinch's heart grows two sizes should win both comedic and dramatic prizes. Carrey pulls it all off with intelligent vim. No one alive could do this but him.

At times, when this film replaces old with new, it's quite entertaining, if somehow less true. Some of the inauthentic Whos are quite fun; Christine Baranski's Who siren, for one. Molly Shannon's Cindy Lou Who is so charming, it's easy to forgive her somewhat alarming transformation into a pert moralizer. While the old mayor seemed a teeny bit wiser, Jeffrey Tambor's Who-tocrat is quite droll. And when Howard raided the old film, he stole those wonderful songs, completely worth stealing, sung here with verve and passion and feeling. "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" is uproarious, sung by Carrey with egotism most glorious.

No, it's not quite the same, this new "Grinch" that came; it's got the same name, but it's not quite the same. It adds lotsa humor, but misses the magic. For some, this will be an omission most tragic. If you loved the old film, you will be disappointed, but if you love humor, you'll laugh 'till you're disjointed. So remember the old, and come fresh to the new, and both will bring many fine pleasures to you.

I've said what I said, and I think it's the truth, so with one last bad rhyme I'll stop murdering Seuss.

IT'S THE SWAG, BABY

This was one of the previews held at the Cineplex Odeon Cinema, a massive edifice near the Friendship Heights metro. These previews always have big bags of free things for me to enjoy, and this was no exception. The big prize here was a children's toy of the Grinch. I got one of the lamer ones, but managed to trade for the same one my distinguished associate Michael Sapoznikow got. Now I have a poseable Grinch and his"rapid-fire snowball gun." The gun doesn't actually, you know, work, but the Grinch has become a source of endless amusement, because he is truly endlessly poseable. Currently I am trying to make a little clock for a necklace because his elongated fingers make him look much like Flavor Flav when his arms are crossed over his chest. The rest of the haul was WASH-FM crap which I am embarrassed to have in my apartment, because WASH-FM plays "soft rock," which is code for "uninteresting but popular music." If anyone wants it, let me know.

The WASH-FM swag has, of course, been disposed of (read: thrown out).

I got home from watching this film at 10:30 on a Tuesday night and had it in to my editors by the deadline of noon the next day. I stayed up until 2 writing it, then woke up at 8 and worked on it some more. Considering the deadline, this is probably the most impressive thing I've ever written, in a way. I've written more informative and more insightful reviews, I'm sure, but this is the one review that, when I recall writing it, always puts a smile on my face.

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