American Wedding

The critics have told us that "American Wedding," the third and presumably final in the series that previously proffered "American Pie" and "American Pie 2" to juvenile-humor devotees, is more of the same: more Jason Biggs in embarrassing predicaments, more Eugene Levy giving him hilarious lectures, more Alyson Hannigan nerdy nymphomania, and especially more bright-eyed, high-energy profane egocentrism from Seann William Scott, known to laughter-paralyzed audiences as Stifler. (Quick quiz: Did anyone besides professional movie-writer types out there actually know that Stifler's name is Seann William Scott? Thought not.)

The critics are correct: this last (misleadingly named) "Pie" follows the same recipe as its predecessors. However, just stating this is not enough for those of us who know that the ingredients must be properly selected, prepared, and baked to make a tasty dish. The first "American Pie" was a near-perfect pastry, as intense flavors of embarrassment and awkwardness were held together by welcome buttery notes of sentimentality; the second was a mess, as a soggy crust mostly failed to support the still-fresh notes struck by the abovementioned actors. "American Wedding" doesn't come out as well as the first, but it's still way better than the second; customers who've enjoyed this dish before can order with confidence at your local box office.

Here, Jim (Biggs) and Michelle (Hannigan), who so long ago had a memorable hookup on prom night, are ready to tie the knot. This, of course, means that numerous embarrassments must occur, including an overabundance of pleasures during the proposal, during which Jim's pants repeatedly fall as he tries to convince Michelle that he's asking for something other than more sex; schemes by Jim to get Michelle's parents to think he's a solid citizen after their first glimpse of him finds Jim apparently sodomizing one of their beloved dogs (but for perfectly understandable reasons); Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) and Stifler dueling for the affections of Michelle's sister Cadence (eye candy January Jones); and Stifler challenging a pumped-up gay man to a danceoff in a Halsted Street bar.

The situations are, of course, somewhat unrealistic, and screenwriter Adam Herz sometimes throws in jokes that make no sense and go nowhere (what semisentient being would shave his pubic hair and then throw the hair out the window? Hasn't he heard of the toilet?), but there is nevertheless adequate comic fodder for the all-stars of the series. In addition, Herz doesn't fall into the trap of providing a subplot for everyone, which helped derail the second "Pie"; Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) has become boring, so he's window dressing here, making the rest of the film undiluted funny.

Jesse Dylan previously directed "How High," and he shows exactly the same lack of moves here that he did in that film, blocking everything cleanly but predictably, lighting everything with a curious flatness, and occasionally cutting off scenes just when a couple seconds of lingering might have extracted many additional laughs. But keeping things moving is better than just letting everything going on too long, in the annals of directorial incompetencies, and Dylan at least gets out of the way when the stars are doing what they do.

And so, as it always has with this series, it comes back to Biggs, Levy, Hannigan, and Stifler. Biggs is probably the most underappreciated physical comedian in movies today, expressing unease, exasperation, and delicious ineptness with things as simple as his walk or his smile. Levy has perfectly mastered the oversolicitous paternal routine he does here by now, and he's still, second-for-second in his numerous supporting parts and cameos, the funniest man who shows up on movie screens today. Hannigan's chipmunk smile and enthusiasm, not to mention her complete shamelessness, always enliven what she does.

But this pie runneth over with the juices of Stifler, and Scott is perfectly happy to jump all over every opportunity presented to him. Stifler actually has to make a moral journey over the course of this film, albeit one he should have made by the age of 12, and Scott makes it with as much kicking unsuccessful game and screaming "the F-word" as you'd expect. He struggles against his own behavior like a straitjacketed fish as he attempts to impress Cadence by wearing a sweater tied around his neck and caring deeply about everything going on around him; his insistence, prior to the danceoff, that "If I were gay, you'd want to [previously mentioned expletive] me!" is so utterly unselfconscious and fervent that it's impossible not to bust a gut.

If "American Wedding" is our final slice of this franchise (most of the original actors are too famous to bother now, but it's still profitable), this is a good way to go out: laughing hard at the people who got the series this far. We'll no doubt have other juvenile-comedy franchises, but as tasteless as it was, this one had a lot more flavor than most.

Attractive Man Count: Um, let's say 1, and I'll let you figure out who.

Attractive Woman Count: 3 (Oh! Stifler's mom!).

JANUARY: NOT JUST A MONTH

I actually have known another person named January. The January I knew was a 5-foot-2 black woman who wore braids, was quite buxom, and was always fun to joke around with, which means she is the exact opposite of thin, blond, bland January Jones. How did that happen? If there are two people in the world with the same odd first name, shouldn't they be similar somehow? As movie January is younger than real-life January, I think January Jones should have to change her name to February.

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