Twin Dragons

Normally, if one were to fork over one's hard-earned cash to see a movie entitled "Twin Dragons" starring what looks like two Jackie Chans, one would expect the Jackie Chans to be brothers whose father was being menaced by the mob and they have to beat a whole bunch of people up with their improvisatory martial artistry in Hong Kong back streets. And there has to be at least one boat chase. Unfortunately, for preconceptions and for the movie, one of the Chans in this movie cannot fight, and thus dooms the whole movie.

Some plot summary appears to be necessary. Chans #1 and #2 are initially together in the arms of their parents, until something violent happens and one Chan is left to be raised by a drunken woman who found him in the park. He grows up to be the Chan who can kick ass. The other Chan is spirited off to New York by his parents, where he becomes a Vladmir Ashkenazy-style pianist/conductor, apparently equally renowned for his expertise in concert as in recital. When the aesthetician Chan returns to Hong Kong for some much-anticipated performances, a series of events ensues that one could describe as "'A Comedy of Errors' with guns" if one felt like doing that.

The two twins are mistaken for each other repeatedly, and as one is in trouble with the mob by the time the other one lands to conduct, conductor Chan is forced to drive a getaway car for the mob to save "his" friend Tyson's life at the same time as street fighter Chan is forced to conduct the Hong Kong Philharmonic in a performance of something Haydn-esque that frankly I don't know what it is. This is one of the absolute funniest sequences I have ever seen, as street fighter Chan smokes while conducting and jumps around like a cockroach on acid to stimulate a fairly zesty performance from the aforementioned Philharmonic, and conductor Chan turns on "his" performance in the getaway police van and critiques the performance while dodging a veritable hailstorm of bullets.

In addition, as they both acquire girlfriends in the first 30 minutes (and they're both Maggie Cheung...rrrrrowl) there are numerous romantic complications, as when the undereducated Chan hops on maestro Chan's girlfriend, to her utter surprise, and then maestro Chan finds out. Whatta laff riot! Maestro Chan gets him back, though, by using the last movement of what I believe is Beethoven's 18th Piano Sonata in the role it was born to play: to score with Miss Cheung. Both action and comedy sequences, needless to say, are executed with Chan's usual flair, timing and imagination. Maggie Cheung, released from her normal role as Chan's screechy, jealous girlfriend, here plays TWO screechy, jealous girlfriends who aren't nearly as annoying as her characters normally are. (Someone must be telling her to do this, BTW, as she can in fact act.) In any case, I cannot remember having laughed this hard at a Chan movie in a long time. This is really and truly an incredibly funny movie.

The usual insane dubbing and mediocre-to-terrible acting from anyone not named "Jackie Chan" are present here too, and act as demerits. Of course, the usual insane stunt-doing and kung fu are here too, and act as the reason you would go to see this movie. They are perhaps not as good as some other Chans, but this is like saying that "Twelfth Night" is not the best Shakespeare; it's still got plenty o' merit, especially on the big screen. And yet, I was somewhat disappointed by this movie. For sure, the absence of the usual outtake reel made everything considerably less fun. The action, as previously mentioned, was not top-level.

But I think the biggest mistake was having one Chan unable to kick ass. Now, you may think this is more violence-glorifying from Andrew, but if you are a Jackie Chan fan and you see this movie and see maestro Chan running from fights and whimpering, you will have the exact same reaction I did: numb, stark terror and a sensation that the world as you know it is out of whack somehow. You can say all you want about the more plausible-sounding reasons I stated above, but everyone who loves Mr. Chan puts up with those in every film. But there is nothing more dispiriting than watching Jackie Chan, even if he is supposed to be playing a longhair composer, walk away, battered and whimpering, from a fight.

Think about it.

Attractive Man Count: 1.

Attractive Woman Count: Does Miss Cheung get a 2 for playing two roles? Why not? 2.

Overall Grade: C+. Maybe the mistaken identity was a mistake after all.

Did anyone say "Rush Hour 2: Overdrive"? Please? Lindemann

Action Movies Home

Movie Reviews Home

Spam-O-Matic Home