The Benazir Bhutto Song

Note: This song was composed in 1995, when I was young and dumb(er). It is based not so much on Benazir herself (although she was a fine-looking woman back in the day) but on the incredibly lame innuendo/wordplay prevalent in mid-90s R&B. Please don't firebomb my apartment.

Benazir, Benazir, won't you come near?

I wannna get wit your Bhutto, let me make that clear

So just let me establish a diplomatic mission

Close to your thighs for easy intromission

Access to your chest, breasts, and all the rest

Of all prime ministers, you're by far the best

You can say nice things about Yeltsin or Chirac

But none of them old men got it stacked in the back

Like you. (sung) You're so fine! Let's do negotiations

About opportunities for further diplomatic penetration.

Benazir Bhutto, come with me tonight,

We can discuss further terms at a neutral site

My army's mobilized, but it ain't to fight,

It's to have a private summit ‘till the morning light

Don't want no third party to mediate

Don't want no disinterested countries to participate

I'm a freaky dog; you know me, sweetie

You know I ain't bound by no U.N. treaties

So for once let's forget about the NPT

‘Cause here's a nuclear missile to you from me

Benazir, Benazir, I don't believe the allegations

Of rampant corruption inside your administration

They say you skimmed off funds, that you murdered your bro

The whole country's saying that you gots to go

Benazir, Benazir, I can help you get through this

If you'll just consent to come to me and do this

I'll cheat, I'll steal, I'll tell all sorts of lies

Anything just to get in between your thighs

The rumors are flying but they ain't fly like me

Promulgating my will throughout history

Benazir, Benazir, I can help you win

If you'll let me play doctor then I'll give you the spin

The press will believe all they're being told

‘Cause I'm doing my damage with maximum control

Benazir, Benazir, let me be your man

I'll be your best diplomat in all of Pakistan

You've got so-fine looks and a bad attitude–oh,

I can't wait to get inside Benazir Bhutto!

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