Andrew Lindemann Malone's Internet Playpen
Movie Reviews

Journal Club

 

From January 1998 through June 1999, I was shamefully underemployed working for a certain contractor at the National Library of Medicine. I say "certain contractor" because I filed an EEO complaint against them after they fired me for having developed tendinits and carpal tunnel syndrome while working on their equipment, and I don't know what legal implications mentioning their actual name could have. Also they let another employee spray me with air freshener without firing her.

But there were good things about the job too. One of these was that I got to see the latest in medical research every day, and found that a surprising percentage of it was hilarious, like the Journal of the National Cancer Institute study on how smoking can help prevent breast cancer; astonishingly cheeky, like the Journal of the American Medical Association's study on how many college students think oral sex is sex; or concerned with issues close to my everyday thoughts, like whether or not women with ample posteriors are attractive. I wrote up my thoughts, and these became Journal Club.

Later, when I had a chance to actually work at the Journal of the National Cancer Institute, I wrote the final article here as a present for all the wonderful editors whose copying I did.

 

The one that started it all.

Warning: This is pretty gross.

How can you reduce a woman's attractiveness to an equation? Not the way these people did it.

Less than state-of-the-art approaches to treating erectile dysfunction, and their advertisements.

Do primitive people view that generous female rump with as much enthusiasm as I do? The journal Nature lets us know.

A hilarious correction to one of the articles discussed above.

JAMA's editor gets the shaft after publishing an oral sex study.

The above study gets published, and, well, it kinda...I can't make the pun and I can't think of anything else.

I was making Olestra jokes way before "The Simpsons."

You know what would spice up those Disney animated snoozefests? More drug use. Or does it already?

By this time, I was pretty sick of my job, and felt like I would be a better fit as the new Editor in Chief of the Journal of the American Medical Association.

I tried to get this published in JNCI, but that prospect didn't metastasize. C'est la vie.

 

 

All this tasty writing ©2002-11 by Andrew Lindemann Malone. All rights reserved.